Woke Superman Is Just Normal Superman
Also, I saw Weird Al in concert and I'll never be the same.
Hello, folks! I hope this post is finding you well. Posting is important. Webster’s Dictionary defines a post as “a piece (as of timber or metal) fixed firmly in an upright position especially as a stay or support” which doesn’t feel quite right, but I trust them. There were more definitions, but who has time to scroll their mousewheel when we’re all busy trying to escape from hopelessness like a spider running from a vacuum cleaner.
Jesus, that was a grim metaphor I didn’t expect to pop out at 8:52 am.
To be honest, I’ve been having a bit of a hard one lately. Between the state of every industry I work in - which isn’t great - and the state of the world at large - which is even less great - I’ve been struggling a bit. Struggling to focus on things I enjoy. Struggling to finish personal projects that I like. Struggling to find a third thing in this list that would have a good emotional impact. I’m lucky as hell in this life and I still feel like I’m wading through chilled molasses that’s gained the ability to tell me how many times I’ve failed to live up to my potential.
Anyway, at least it’s Tuesday!
Weird Al in Madison Square Garden
Weird Al was my first concert, and I’ll be damned if he’s not my last. Okay, technically my first concert was the Monkees with Weird Al opening, but I feel like the bigger impact on my life has been Weird Al. Although, I do like the Monkees. People say they monkey around. But they’re too busy singing to put anybody down.
Anyway, Weird Al sold out Madison Square Garden. Puddles Pity Party opened which, if you haven’t listened to him, go do so immediately. I’d seen him in small venues, but never on a massive stage, and he used the space. If the entire concert had been him and him alone, I honestly think this crowd would’ve still been very happy.
But onto Al. There was this beautiful moment at the beginning where he paused to savor being in this massive stadium. Then he followed to play a concert-length medley of hits and deep cuts. And then, for an encore, we got his Star Wars songs that made everyone go nuts. That’s what’s nice about a Weird Al concert: Very few people are there by accident and very few people are normal about being excited, including myself.
I’ll be real: I’m not a huge concert person. I like music, but I often find large venue music events to be kind of tiring; between trying to look over someone’s giant head and making out lyrics with my terrible hearing, it’s not always the most exciting experience for me. This was something else. This was Weird Al.
Sorry I didn’t take pictures during the concert. I was a dummy and stayed in the moment enjoying myself.
Superman Was Super, Man
Without going too deep into detail, the new Superman movie is so, so much fun. And despite all the controversy over whether it’s woke or not - whatever the fuck that even means anymore to anybody - he’s Superman. This is a comic book Superman with all his boy scout exclamations of “golly” and “darn.” It wasn’t that he was wholesome so much as he felt like Clark Kent and not Dark Emo Clark Kent. This is a Superman who saves animals while a giant monster is falling. In fact, one of the funniest (and sweetest) moments is when he tries to convince another character that he is, in fact, quite edgy.
It’s just a fun movie, man. And we’re finally getting live, on-screen versions of Mr. Terrific and Guy Gardner, who are both so good. Mr. Terrific floats around in a chair like MODOK and shoots off orbs and is constantly annoyed by everyone around him, performatively shaking his head so people can see how annoyed he is. Guy Gardner is a Green Lantern, a spark of hope in the universe, and also a giant asshole who loves himself and loves showing off as a hero. These are characters that, ten years ago, you could not convince me would ever be in a live action movie, let alone be the breakout characters in it.
It’s a little ironic that some of the political response to the movie - without having seen it - is to say, “I just want a fun action film where the good guys are good and the bad guys are bad!” Because… this is that movie! This is the Superman of cartoon and comic book fame. The fact that there is an angry debate over whether he’s an “immigrant” or a “refugee” or a “foundling” shows just how fucking weird we are as a society right now.
Speaking of the News
If I’m tired of this shit, I’m sure there are many of you that are way more tired of this shit.
It sounds like everyone is still talking about Epstein. Unlike most news, I don’t even have to say “if you don’t know,” because you are almost certainly already aware of the situation. Conservatives have spent years drooling over the Epstein files, hoping it can bring down Bill Clinton. I’m not sure why they still think bringing down Bill Clinton would shake reality to its core since he’s been out of power for a quarter century and isn’t the most popular man with younger voters, but that didn’t stop them. Well, until Trump stopped them.
It’s like every Republican in the federal branch of government just did this tweet:
Personally, I’m fucking fine with Epstein files being released because I’m not a psychopath who could easily ignore child assault if my taxes are cut enough. What’s funny is that I don’t even know if Republicans were telling the truth then (“We have the files right here, ready to go!”) or now (“There are no files and never were any files.”) It’s just a little weird to spend years claiming you’ve got dirt on the world’s most famous pedophile and that information will bring down Hollywood and then just say it must’ve been a misunderstanding. Who hasn’t made the mistake of a years-long campaign based around stopping powerful pedophiles, right? The egg on our faces after literally shooting up a pizza parlor only to discover it wasn’t a big problem!
New Work
Since finishing up the book tour, I’ve slowly been returning to the other car fires that are my professional projects. While those are in the process of disintegrating before my eyes as I look into the sun and wonder when my time will come, here are a few pieces of writing I’ve enjoyed lately. Some of them are on topics I’ve discussed on this very Substack!
Jokes for 1-900-HOTDOG
I actually have quite a few articles on this site, but it’s Patreon backed so a lot of them are behind a paywall. However, if you want to see some weird shit, 1-900-HOTDOG has been an incredibly fun place to write an extremely long piece making fun of the Ace Ventura Cartoon. It’s worth a subscription, even if you hate my writing and think I should burn in hell. I will add that I did not make that illustration of myself but I do like getting paid by nice people, so I know how to stay quiet.
Jokes for The Gamer
Side note, I’m aware that one of the websites that pay me to write jokes about games has an AI summary feature under articles now. This wasn’t the choice of the writers or editors, and, honestly, the results are hilariously bad.
“You can’t stop AI! It’s inevitable.”
Yes, thank you, Thanos, but I can still keep saying it sucks until it stops sucking, which it hasn’t yet.
Recommendations
I’m in the middle of reading an extremely bad old book for a project, so I’m not going to talk about that one. Not because I respect it, but because it feels mean to make fun of a book and then get paid again to make fun of said book. I don’t need to double up. The pitch is already approved and baby needs to pay the good people at Spectrum.
Superman
You’ve already heard what I’ve got to say. Fun times at the enjoyment warehouse.
A Solitaire Mystery
This game is breaking my brain. If you’ve played Solitaire before, you’re still not quite ready for this. There are 20 different iterations of Solitaire in here. And I mean crazy iterations. There’s a version of Solitaire where you have to actually use context clues to figure out which cards are suit cards. There’s a time travel version. It’s a giant puzzle game that uses Solitaire as the foundation and builds into insanity from there.
I’m not doing a great job describing this game because “Solitaire but weird” is both a great pitch and completely understated as to how fun many interesting ideas are packed into this package. Also, it works on Mac, so that’s nice.
Redline Crooks
Redline Crooks is a little bit of an easier sell. Imagine if they made a Mad Max video game in 1993 and you’re basically there. Each level, you slam into cars and destroy them before they can slam into you (or shoot you or make you explode, etc.). That’s pretty much all the premise you need! It’s a rougelike, so each short run allows you to permanently upgrade your character for future tries and buy useful items for the current one. If that’s confusing to you because you’re not a video game fan, worry not. The core of the game is just driving a car and hitting other cars to keep your car alive. Simple as that. Fun as hell.
Additional Updates
I’m still working on hopefully migrating this to another site. The past couple weeks have been a bit heavy in terms of both personal life and freelance work. But I want to get this moved over and hopefully set up a nice schedule. It would be cool to begin expanding what I do here and make a little scratch off it so I can expand even further. That said, I do like giving folks free laughs in the morning.
Also, a few of you had reached out regarding Substack and your issues with it. I’d really prefer to be on a site where people aren’t called racial slurs, so I hope to have that done by August once I figure out a few other adjacent things.
Thanks again!