Hello, folks!
How is everyone? What game are you playing? What book are you reading? Who are you anymore? Are you who you thought you’d be? Do you ever look back and think you turned wrong somewhere? Has there ever been a moment in which you realize that all the past is dust that fades with memory?
Thankfully it’s Saturday!
If you’re reading this, here are some things you might like:
I’m Hosting A Launch Event For My Friend’s New, Very Good Book
On Tuesday, October 3rd, I will be hosting a conversation with Melinda Taub for the launch of her new book, “The Scandalous Confessions of Lydia Bennet, Witch.” The book is incredibly fun. If you’ve read Pride & Prejudice, you’ll like this book. If you haven’t read Pride & Prejudice, you’ll still like this book. It’s good as hell.
That’s October 3rd, at 6:30 pm at Barnes & Noble Atlantic Ave. Click here for details for the event! And regardless, you should very much order this book.
Also, My Own Book Is Now Available For Pre-Order
Speaking of books, my insane, weirdo novelization of “Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties” is now available for pre-order exclusively on Limited Run Games!
Before you keep scrolling, here’s what you need to know:
This is a novelization of one of the worst games ever made. It’s basically the “Plan 9 From Outer Space” of video games. Or “The Room,” depending on your cringe preferences. This game is supposed to be a psycho-sexual-thriller-comedy and does not hit any of them. But this book? It also does not hit any of them.
If you enjoy Mystery Science Theater 3000 and how they make fun of movie, you’ll probably enjoy this book. And like MST3K, you don’t need to be a fan of the original to like the jokes. Context is given!
Playing and watching this game over and over broke my brain and I’ll never recover.
I went into writing this little book inspired by old video game adaptations for kids called “Worlds of Power.” They were often extremely weird and written by people who knew nothing about the game.
My other inspiration was Harry Stephen Keeler, one of the all-time worst writers in the English language. His books are full of nonsense sentences that feel like they’re being written by a confused dog. I love it.
This bullet point list is getting too long.
When Limited Run Games asked me if I’d be interested in writing a parody novelization a game, I never thought I’d end up with this. I can’t believe they let me do what I’ve done and I hope, if you give this book a try, you’ll enjoy it.
New Articles In The Gamer
Hey! You like reading about games? I’ve got some stuff to read, I do, I do.
One article addresses terrible ports for video games. Many think that these are both damaging to the consumer and a sign companies will sacrifice quality for cash. But me? I want you to give me those nasty, terrible game ports.
Speaking of Mortal Kombat 1, I wrote a column about why I love fighting games for fans who have zero friends. Which is me. I’m the person with zero friends who want to play fighting games.
While we’re on the subject of fighting games, I wrote about a genuine hidden gem that just got added to the NES section of Switch Online. It’s an 8-bit fighting game called Joy Mech Fight, it’s completely in Japanese, and it absolutely fucking slaps.
And finally,
I made fun of that weird Martin Short article from a couple weeks ago with my own asking “Why We Keep Putting Up With Waluigi.” It’s all jokes and making fun of someone thinking they could ever take down Jiminy Glick. I also have to give it to the folks at The Gamer for how well they matched up the artwork to the original.
That’s all I hope you folks are having a great weekend. If you’re the first person to read this and you want it, have this free Cities: Skylines game. I’ve already got it! Free code. Works on Steam. First come, first game. I hate I wrote that.
Enjoy!