Jimmy Kimmel and the Fear of Unpopular Kings

Sounds like a kids book series, which is fun.

Hey, everyone. How are you? I hope things have been going well.

Personally, I haven’t been having the easiest time lately. I’ve been a bit depressed and a little under the weather and - I lied - a lot depressed. While I’m luckier than a lot of people, it’s been difficult seeing multiple industries collapse or, at least, go into hibernation. It’s also horrifying watching cults develop around political personalities with motherfucking fireworks at funerals like the corpse is going to get bodyslammed at Wrestlemania. While I’ve been trying not to doom scroll, it gets harder when everything in the feed is doom. That and comedians talking shit about each other, which is fine.

Side note, there are no good stock photos for depression. It’s all the most dramatic shit you’ve ever seen rather than a slowing down of functions until I stare into the distance, unable to enjoy anything.

I know that a lot of people are depressed, too. I also know I started this newsletter with depressing quotes. But the despair of the last ten years is rough to maintain. Ten years of this shit. I feel like old Rose looking at the footage of Titanic underwater and wistfully talking about when things were still terrible, but differently as if that makes the other bad stuff better. I don’t know. I just want my Heart of the Ocean.

Jimmy Kimmel is Back and the Fear of Unpopular Kings

Everyone 100% knows the suspension of Jimmy Kimmel was due to government pressure on ABC and the affiliates. While the FCC is trying to deny it now, it’s a little tricky proving you used “we can do this the easy way or the hard way” as a neutral turn of phrase. It’s some real mob boss shit. “I never said to burn that guy’s business down with him inside! I just said I wish someone would.” Get the fuck out of here.

Fortunately, Kimmel is coming back tonight after only a few days of a suspension that seemed permanent. I don’t know what he’s going to say or what he’s even allowed to say. But the fact that he’s able to return so quickly means that, maybe, possibly, fucking perhaps the public isn’t where a lot of media companies think they are. Plus, when celebrities and unions are protesting in front of your studios and buildings, it becomes a bit more complicated to book them.

Because this in all likelihood was a permanent suspension. Kimmel’s contract is up relatively soon, and I could see a world where they just didn’t renew it and let the show die a silent death without a final episode. Trust me, I’ve experienced that silent death before on a show. It’s a great way to end things without letting someone famous for talking do more of that talking.

To me, this means the public outcry worked. It didn’t hurt that people on the right - like moist human bee sting Ted Cruz - also spoke up about not using the government to censor people. Ted Cruz’s argument is that the left could use this power to silence Republicans, which isn’t really as good as “broad government censorship over criticism is supposed to be banned here” but it’ll do in a pinch.

But enough about those nerds. Back to public outcry.

I saw more than one post on social media saying that canceling subscriptions and marching in front of studios and boycotting theme parks won’t work. The companies have too much power. Individuals have too little cash. Anything we do must not have the power to change things on higher levels, right? The company is just going to ignore everyone. We’re screwed, so we might as well just keep giving them money at the same rate as before. I’m able to both feel self-righteous without sacrificing anything.

But that didn’t happen.

They’re bringing Kimmel back fast. Faster than even what people thought would be the best case scenario: A few weeks or months to let it all cool down. He’s back in less than a week. Why? Because people got pissed. Stocks dropped. Subscriptions plummeted. By what I can gather, it was estimated to cost them over a billion dollars if not multiple billions. People were pissed. Parents were willing to forgo Bluey. Bluey. The only thing that can keep children from crying out for love.

ABC realized that Trump’s politics are not as popular as they thought. A lot of media companies - and especially news divisions - seemed to think this time around that Trump is incredibly well-liked and they need to follow suit. They definitely thought that suspending Jimmy Kimmel would get them wide praise and a big conservative boost.

Then Trump threatened their other shows. And, even more likely, ABC remembered that they already paid off this dude once after a bullshit lawsuit. They realized that conservatives weren’t flocking to them because they censored a comedian the right doesn’t like. They also realized that people were flocking away once that audience believed that ABC was giving in to someone they despise for being a massive cancer on America and the rest of the world.

Not as many people love the bully as much as the bully might claim. Or hold up his fist telling you to say. Yes, there are tens of millions of people who voted for this. Yes, there are tens of millions of people reveling in the horror and the cruelty. And, yes, the bully being gone won’t restore all the damage he’s done. But he’s still unpopular and that unpopularity is growing. And if you’re also a company that relies on foreign markets and tourists, maybe hitching your wagon to a despised despot would be a bad move.

You don’t bring a comedian you’ve censored back on stage because it’s the right thing to do. You bring a comedian back because everyone is booing you and you’re losing money very quickly. You bring a comedian back when you realize your audience isn’t thirsty for the blood of the “left” as much as recent speeches indicate. You bring a comedian back when everyone across the political spectrum says you let the bully fuck your mom after he threatened to hit you.

Is everything going to be perfect? Again, no. Not even close. Some affiliates are still keeping Kimmel off their schedules. But they need ABC more than ABC needs them at this point. There are streamers. There are cable networks. The idea that a late night host is only worth the viewers on the broadcast network doesn’t quite play out in the future year of 2025. When someone says these shows are bleeding money and nobody’s watching them, check out their numbers on social media.

And I know that the people being targeted for the worst treatment and the true horrors aren’t millionaires in mansions. But it’s worth noting when someone actually fights back, the bullies tend to pull back. Trump’s favorite thing on Earth is being praised, especially by an audience. Booing might not seem like much, but sometimes you need to throw a lot of stones before you can find a crack in the armor. Metaphorical stones. Don’t arrest me.

My Upcoming Show in NYC

I’ve been doing a bit less stand-up due to a few short term writing gigs that ate up time and also kept me from emailing people to beg for spots. Originally, I typed that as “bed for sports,” which I guess I sort of had when my dad made me have NFL sheets on my childhood mattress. I wanted The Simpsons, but we take what we can get.

Anyway, I’m bringing back My Obituary Show this Thursday (and, for the time being, every fourth Thursday) at QED in Astoria, Queens. It’s a cheap, fun show with some great comedians reading their own obituaries - including myself. Tickets are available here or at the door.

That’s all I got for now! I need to do work so I can keep working, which seems like a typo but isn’t at all.