I'll Buy That for $5: Wizorb

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Welcome to “I’ll Buy That for $5,” in which I review games both good, bad, and truly awful that cost $5 or under. If you want to see more of these, please subscribe! If you don’t want to see more of these, I really respect that.

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There’s really only one thing you need to know about Wizorb.

Arkanoid + RPG + Pixel Art = Wizorb.

Wizorb is not an expensive game nor a new one. It’s been out on Steam for over ten years and you can get it for $2.99. However, it just came out on the Nintendo Switch eShop last month and it’s a little bit more expensive at a grand $4.99. That’s under five dollars, motherfuckers, so here we go. That ten year difference is where you get that big savings. 

Wizorb isn’t a particularly complicated game. It is a Breakout-style arcade-y deal. Which is an Arkanoid-style arcade-y deal. Which is a brick breaker-style arcade-y deal. I don’t know why we can’t have one term for things, but I don’t know if I want to live in a world that would.

On one hand, pixel art indie mashups are a dime a dozen (hence me writing about games that you can buy a dime a dozen). On the other, they’re charming, so who actually cares how many there are? Oh no, there’s too many cheap indie games filled with joy! 

The game itself starts relatively easy and ramps up in difficulty over time, as is literally always the case in games. God bless us all. You both have to break all the blocks - of course - and destroy the monsters! These range from minor creatures to big boss battles. There are also towns and stuff because this is vaguely an RPG. And an RPG without towns is like a - well, actually lots of RPGs don’t have towns. I don’t know.

And… that’s it. Not a particularly deep game. But it’s entertaining and costs less than a cup of coffee. I don’t know if I can sell you much harder than that. It’s not a game that’s going to change your life, but it’s something you can play for a few minutes without wanting to die. Glowing praise indeed.