Hi, how are you? Good. Okay? Good. This past week has been a real one, so let’s move it along, shall we? Come on. Chop chop.
Pink Polos and the Police
Welcome to the resistance… guy in a pink polo and white shorts throwing a sandwich?
Look, I’m not going to condone drunks throwing giant sandwiches at the police like it’s a black and white cartoon from 1928. Was it funny? I mean, yes. Someone threw a giant submarine sandwich at a person of authority. Talk about holding out for a gyro, am I right, folks? It’s nice to see a rich guy and a po’ boy work together. Sometimes you have to hit on a toxic man using grinder. Jesus Christ, that last one was a stretch. I’m tired now. Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good.
Was it a good idea for that man’s personal wellbeing to throw a hoagie at the fuzz? Probably not. They definitely arrested that guy and, worse, he now doesn’t have that sandwich. They’re likely going to charge him with something ridiculous that’ll get knocked down to something stupid. That dude is lucky that he has the skin tone of a beluga whale otherwise who fucking knows what would’ve happened to him.
I understand this is going to sound like a weird turn, but… I can’t even imagine how those law enforcement officers and agents and whatnot and so forth feel right now. They have to feel some minor, even atomic spec of humiliation at being stripped of authority, told they failed at their jobs, and then forced to do whatever they’re told while knowing the public hates them for it.
Crime has long trended down in DC and most major metropolitan areas. That doesn’t mean crime doesn’t happen. I just mean that it’s more likely for someone to get his ass kicked by two teenagers and not a roving band of like it’s the fucking Warriors.
The fact that it allegedly happened to a vaguely famous asshole has been used to claim that crime is out of control. It’s like posting footage of a bank robbery and then saying, “This is happening everywhere.” Fucking morons will believe that because they rarely see footage inside a bank otherwise so it must be the case.
And I do get there is an irony in a man who looks like he’s probably doing well for himself throwing a heap of fresh food at the police during a mass military crackdown largely intended to push homeless people out of the city. But the fact that this man treated them like fools - maybe that’s positive. The throwing? No. The humiliation? Yes. They should be shamed. They should be treated like fools. Also treated as a growing threat to a lot of people, obviously. Of course. But they should also feel foolish and embarrassed to be doing this.
Those officers and soldiers and agents should be thinking, “What the fuck am I doing here? What the fuck is the point of this?” They should go home to their spouses and say, “I had to run through traffic because a guy who makes more than me threw a sandwich in my face.” They should feel like they look stupid out there. They should question if this was the way they wanted the world to see them. They should feel bad at knowing people with camera phones aren’t filming them for a fun reason. The level of embarrassment and self-loathing they should feel is best described as “Sideshow Bob stepping on a yard of rakes.”
Again, don’t get me wrong, I know that some of them love this. There are people signing up specifically because they want to get bonuses for cracking the most heads - and if they don’t win, well, at least they got to have some fun along the way. I don’t doubt a lot of sociopaths are getting a wonderful outlet of joy from the screams of grandmothers and kids as they snatch them off the street or from a courtroom or school. I don’t doubt there are people who can’t wait for all of “them” to stop being so visible and outspoken, and, and, and not knowing who this country is actually for. Or existing at all.
But a sandwich to the face is the crime you’re getting on the streets of Washington DC. That’s the perp you’re chasing down the block. Not a gang member smashing windows. Not a full softball team of car thieves who wouldn’t all fit into the vehicle they’re stealing. There’s no crisis. As a tiny man once said, “facts don’t care about your feelings.” Yes, there is crime. There is crime everywhere, as mystery novels taking place in small towns filled with hot people teach us. No, that does not make it a national crisis that necessitates the federalization of law enforcement. I know it’s all a precursor to worse violence. I know we know this.
No, I don’t think people feeling foolish will stop this. But if the morality of threatening an entire city as a show of force or sending people to concentration camps doesn’t bother them, maybe knowing they look like stupid, embarrassing assholes might be a door prize that’s worth having for now and the future. Then again, who fucking knows.
Hoo Boy Sorry For Going Long On That
I didn’t think I had 700 words on the sandwich hero, but here we are.
Really Hard To Turn This Around Now After Heavy Stuff
Yeah.
Anything Fun Going On?
I dunno, man. Everything hurts. Nothing feels good anymore.
Anything To Recommend?
Yes!
I know this is an old one for Switch. But! They’ve just introduced JoyCon 2 mouse control support for the Switch 2, which actually makes it a thousand times easier to play. Using the touch screen is also easier on the bigger Switch 2 screen, whereas before it felt like precise placement of objects and whatnot in the programming screen was less than ideal.
While I’ve written for video games, that’s about all I’ve done. And while I’ve taken programming classes, I’ve always sucked at that in a way that you wouldn’t think for someone who looks, talks, and acts like me. I know that vibe coding with AI is all the rage, but I’m not looking to make an app. I’m not looking for efficiency or jumping to the end so I can clap and never open the program again. I’m looking to learn for the sake of learning.
I want to just fuck around a bit and make my own little things for myself while appreciating the process a bit more from other angles. I’ve used RPG Maker before, and enjoyed it, but Game Builder Garage is just a more fun way to make crappy little games fast. And, listen, these games are limited in scope and can’t be exported to be used or sold like they can with RPG Maker and the like. Even giving out the games you make to other Game Builder Garage owners is a little complicated compared to most human activity.
That all said, it’s fun to screw around in and the fact that it’s on the Switch and much easier to use now in any mode makes it worth the hassle. It’s not going to make you a professional, but there are worse ways to spend your time with a game. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s made for children, but that’s outside my area of expertise.
Upcoming Shows
Here are some upcoming shows! May God forgive us all for our sins.
8/29 - Live From Outer Space @ Cobra Club
9/4 - Shit Arcade @ Union Hall
9/11 - Wedding Out The Stoned @ Bellhouse
9/12 - End of the Line Comedy @ QED
9/25 - The Obituary Show @ QED
Shameful Promo - Get My Book Here and in the UK
So! One, my book is now available on Amazon for its cheapest price yet. I’ll admit, it’s not vastly cheaper than it was before. Like $2, but this is the cheapest it’s been since Prime Day, so if you’ve been waiting to get a copy - or if you’re starting that Christmas shopping early, there’s no time like the present to get a present.
Also, as I’ve mentioned the book is now available in the UK (link here) after a minor delay. So get it today. And say “yay,” if you may. Nay? Have it your way.
Thanks for all the kind words from everyone who’s read it so far. I’m glad it’s connected with folks and not humiliated me like an Italian sandwich hitting the old noodle.