DICE Awards & Fallout Thoughts

Spoiler Alert: The chicken you left on your counter overnight.

Hey folks, happy Tuesday!

How is everyone? How are you? I say “everyone,” but how are you specifically? Are you doing alright? Seriously, I just, I just, I just want to know, please, I hope you’re okay, unless there’s a chance that you hate me, in which case I suppose I hope you’re still doing okay, but like, I also hope that I’m not doing okay to make you feel better.

The world continues to burn as it feels strange to go about doing literally anything whatsoever without feeling guilty.

This will be a short one as I’m in Las Vegas right now writing for the DICE Awards, which sounds like a sentence someone would say in a more normal time without getting angry stares. But so I am in Las Vegas, the land of the free and the home of the very expensive buffets. You do not understand how expensive these buffets are.

Every time I come to Vegas, the buffets are more expensive, and I don’t expect them to not be expensive. I just don’t expect them to be more expensive than it would be just to buy all of that food at once to make everything they’re serving. It might literally be cheaper to just make twenty kinds of sushi and lobster rolls and cheese grits at home.

Anyway, the DICE Awards are this Thursday, with Greg Miller and Stella Chung hosting. So please check out. We’ve got jokes from me and fellow Mystery Science Theater 3000 writer, Devon Coleman.]

You’ll be able to watch it here, but in a few days. Thursday. The 12th.

Super Duper Bowl

I didn’t watch the Super Bowl. I have nothing against it! It’s a television broadcast that doesn’t really hide what it’s going to be, so I’m not sure how I’d hate it. And I’m happy for my friends in Seattle, because Seattle is my favorite place that I’ve probably ever lived, and I like that I actually like something for once. My friends in Seattle are happy. I like that. My friends in Boston are unhappy, but my friends in Boston have been happier more often than my friends in Seattle, so I have to take sides.

I missed it because I had to get prepared for the DICE awards, and also, I didn’t want to see 1000 commercials for AI and gambling apps. I hate myself enough already. I don’t want to know that more money than it would take for most of us and our entire extended families to retire was spent on some shit like a gopher saying a funny line from a ‘90s movie (“YEAH, BABY! OH BEHAVE!”) and then it is revealed that it came from an AI prompt. I can’t. I can’t. I just can’t.

As far as Bad Bunny goes, I did catch a clip of that later. I saw it afterwards, and it was great? Would I have preferred Weird Al? Sure. But that’s less political and more because I’m a psychopath. But it was good. I don’t see what the problem was all about? Other than racism? I mean, I get it’s racism? But it’s, like, are we just putting that in full blast at all times forever? I thought it was very cute that they had a real wedding on stage. I don’t know. Maybe I’m a simple man.

There used to be this criticism that the left got a lot more than the right, which is, “I think you’re just finding something to be mad about!” Those woke teens are just making up a reason to criticize somebody! And, sure, you would often find people saying that a TV show is problematic or something for reasons you might have personally found irritating. But, like, this just feels like a smoke alarm that’s going off no matter if you’re burning toast or if there’s a light water vapor coming from a pot of boiling water.

People don’t actually care that much. Yes, the performance was in Spanish. Who gives a shit? It’s not like most of the broadcast was exclusively in Spanish so you couldn’t know who had the big oblong ball. It’s also, what, a 30 minute performance? 45? I don’t know. But you must have at least one game on your phone you can pay attention to if you’re upset there’s a performer who’s darker than Kid Rock, a man so far from “kid” at this point in his life that he’s closer in geological age to just being called “Rock.”

No one was that upset by this, nobody. Annoyed? Sure. Because in certain circles, the only reason people are hired is to send a message. Especially if it’s someone you don’t like. Someone you like getting hired means good quality! Great work! Someone you don’t like is hired because some unnamed, shadowy “activist” group forced it. Can they ever name who those spooky activists are? Of course not! But it’s far easier to oppress a group if you act like they have a lot more power than they do!

And fucking Megyn Kelly being like, “That kind of football is ours.” Lame ass shit. I know it’s racism all the way down but, shit, man. Can’t they chill out for five fucking minutes? You can feel the dryness of the stone they’re trying to squeeze blood from. They can’t beat the dead horse anymore because the flesh has split and the bones have scattered. There’s nothing left.

Fallout Funsies

In other apocalypse news, I really enjoyed the latest season of Fallout. Also, yes, I appreciate that I’m in Las Vegas right now and this season of Fallout took place in New Vegas, the Vegas that came after Las Vegas, which was the last Vegas.

Do I wish there were more episodes of it? Yes, I do. I wish there were twelve or more episodes so everyone had space to breathe and develop. That said, being on the other side of things before, I kind of assume that the people making and working on the show would’ve also liked to have more episodes. Eight just isn’t enough! That’s the time it takes to complete a minor side-quest in the games!

But it’s so fun to see the game come to life. It’s fun to see that they capture the spirit of it. To be fair, the spirit and feel of the series has changed over the years. Even one and two feel a little different from one another, so I understand the criticism that the show, at times, feels slightly different than maybe the version of Fallout one prefers. There’s a mysterious, dark Fallout. Or there’s a comedic Fallout. Satire Fallout. Lore building action wham zing Fallout. But it hits those buttons well.

We’re getting super mutants. We’re getting more of the Enclave. As a fan of the series, it’s nice that we’re just getting a bunch of stuff that I like, without it feeling like they’re just slamming the “remember this?” button over and over again. The show is canon, it works in the games, but it’s rarely held for a long period on a reference that only dorks like me would appreciate. And that’s a smart move. Keep the vibe. Keep the lore. Keep the background events. Don’t turn it into a theme park ride so fans can just wave at their favorite characters. The show makes me want to play the games more and makes me appreciate the games more, which is really all you can ask.

That’s All!

If I don’t post again next week, it’s either a sign I’m dead or have given up on all my dreams.