In my ongoing quest to throw away all chances at retirement by putting literally anything into my Steam cart, I came across something called Verdict Guilty. And since the beginning of time, mankind has read the words “Verdict Guilty” and thought “Hell yeah.” It was a police-themed fighting game that looked kind of dumb. And since I’m willing to spend $5 on literally anything like an idiot, I bought it. I figured at worst, I could make fun of it a little.
And here’s the thing: It’s a goofy, weird ass game. It’s ridiculous. It looks like a joke when you first turn it on. It seems like it’s going to be bad. I thought it was going to be bad. I was ready for it to be bad. But Verdict Guilty is actually fun as fuck.
Also, I guess this game has been out a while.
So, here’s what it is: A really basic ass fighting game. You start with eight characters, but there are some unlockable ones, including a few Ken & Ryu / Sub-Zero & Scorpion / Diablo & Sauron palette swaps. I don’t know why I threw in Primal Rage as a reference at the end, but fuck it. I paid for this game and this is a free newsletter.
You can see from the screenshots why I thought I’d just be dunking all day on this game. But in motion, it’s actually kind of great? Question mark? It doesn’t look exactly the same, but the characters have a motion and weight reminiscent of Eternal Champions. I sound like an asshole recommending wine. Jesus Christ. But, anyway, the characters move and play like, well, fighting game characters should.
This might not sound like a high bar, but I own a fighter on Switch in which Moses can fight Santa Claus and somehow it is not the greatest game of all time. In fact,m it’s pretty not good. Because it runs at approximately 15 frames a second and loads matches when it goddamn well gets around to it. That game is called Fight of Gods, by the way. Worth a purchase.
Back to Verdict Guilty (OF BEING FUN!!!). It has a weird, but fun, but also probably problematic gameplay mechanic in which you can handcuff someone. You know how you need to get real close to do a throw in a fighting game? Same deal, but it basically keeps the other player from being able to attack for a few seconds. They can move and jump, but no attack. Then the handcuffs break and you can do all the kicks you’ve ever wanted to kock.
In practice, the technique is super cheap. You can get in a ton of combos when someone can’t hit back. But. But. But. It’s also weird because some characters have guns? And they’re police officers? And they can fire those guns as a move? And they can also fire those guns at the other character while those characters are handcuffed? That’s all kind of a lot to consider. Also one of the cops is drunk all the time. But since this is a $5 fighting game made on another continent, I’m not going to criticize all its choices.
Okay, maybe a few choices. Does one of the officers have a move called “panty shot”? Why, yes she does. There is also a weird thing where the only dark skinned character in the game is implied to be an alien. It has nothing to really do with the plot. It’s just there, man. But, I mean, I don’t know.
On the bright side, the final boss is just a weird businessman who’s running for office. As with all corrupt politicians, his briefcase has a machine gun and a flamethrower. And there’s a character named Hyuk, which makes me just imagine it’s Goofy after doing angel dust. We find fun where we can, folks.
Anyway. I was surprised by Verdict Guilty. It’s not amazing. It’s not going to change the game. But, for $5? Fuck it. I’m not mad. Confused. But not mad.
I'm so tempted to get this on Switch now...