I’ll keep this quick because we’re all busy and we’re all almost at the end of the crawl-through-the-mud that was 2023. You might be going to a party to see loved ones and wish them a healthy and fortunate entry into the New Year. You might be a normal human being staying at home and getting surprised when the clock is past 12:00 because you don’t feel any different. But you are different! You are!
Nah, I’m just kidding. You’re still you. But now you’ll be in the future. Honestly, we have been living in the future since at least 1999. If you were born after then, you were born in the future. We’re at a solid point in time in which every year brings a new disappointment when we realize a sci-fi movie set during this year isn’t going to happen. Goodbye, Moon Colony. Goodbye, Time Travel. Goodbye, Robots Killing Us. Although let’s take a wait and see approach to that last one.
I’d give a full year in review, but I don’t want to turn this into a holiday letter. Fortunately, I’ve got no family so you don’t need to hear anything about children that feel more or less like theoretical characters that look different in every year’s photo. My personal conspiracy is that most of my friends who have kids don’t actually have kids; they just have a thorough con that lets them cancel on plans. Thus, I’d like to introduce my child: Ruffanald. He’s such a terror, but I love him! You already want to close this post.
As far as 2023 goes, though, I’d basically break it down to this:
It was my last year in my 30s. Next year is 40. I don’t have any significant observations about the difference in life between your 20s and 30s. I certainly don’t have any wisdom to bestow. I think the advantage I’ve had in life is that I can’t feel much more like shit because I’ve felt like shit the whole time. Still, nobody would’ve put money on me living this far. Nobody should’ve.
I sold a book! “Good Game; No Rematch” is coming in 2025. It’s going to have a lot of jokes about video games. There will be emotionally sweet chapters. There will be emotionally heavy chapters. I talk about how one kicked Dreamcast changed the course of my life. I’ll bring it up a lot when it comes out. I’ll beg you to buy it. Absolutely on my knees begging.
I wrote another book that’s coming out! “Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties.” It’s a short, official novelization making fun of a real video game. It’s a wildly weird book and I will also be bringing it up a lot when it comes out. Which… I’m not entirely sure when. It’s a small book. Also, pre-orders are done so I can’t beg you for anything at the moment!
I was on strike with the Writers Guild of America for five months! Jesus, that certainly ate up a chunk of the year. While I missed making money and being able to try to make more money, it was beautiful seeing all my colleagues come together for a collective action that both protected us and future generations of writers. After some brutal summer months picketing and negotiating, we got a good deal that will pave the way to a more sustainable career. But seriously, I’ll need you to buy that book anyway.
My cartoon spec “Space Bar” won Best Script at the 2023 New Media Festival. That’s nice. I’m proud of that one. Real proud!
Our team was nominated for a WGA award for the final season of Full Frontal With Samantha Bee. It was nice to send off the show with one final acknowledgement of the work we all did. I miss all those folks.
I wrote a small visual novel for the folks at StoryLoom. It’s called “Xylox Tonight!” And, guess what? It’s still available to play if you’d like! I’ve already been paid, so I won’t beg you on this one as much as the book.
After the strike, I returned to work on The Tonight Show and got to both write and appear in sketches playing an obsessed fan and a very short member of Congress. I also got to write a Christmas bit for famous attractive person Jon Hamm.
You got excited about buying my book in 2025!
2023 was not an incredibly easy year, but I was very lucky as a person. I’m hoping 2024 is better - for me, but more importantly everyone else who’s far less lucky whose smallest problems rival my greatest. Everyone is on a journey through life. Nothing is easy for everyone. But I do hope it’s a better year for people.
I don’t like New Year’s Resolutions. They feel like you’re just stating what you dislike about yourself and then turning it into impossible homework. “I will lose weight!” “I will save money!” “I will buy Mike Drucker’s book!” Outside of that third one, we shouldn’t kick off our year promising ourselves things that we’ll feel guilty about later. That book one is an easily achievable goal.
But, for me, the closest I can come to a resolution is working on what therapists call “anticipatory anxiety” and what I dorkily call “activation energy.” Because it’s easier if I think of things like they’re a moronic board game. Sometimes it’s hard for me to start and enjoy activities - even those I love. Playing a video game I’m absolutely psyched about and writing an assignment I don’t want to do have the same emotional barrier of entry for me. I will sit and stare in the distance before doing something I enjoy. Or have to do. It’s not life-ruining, but it is like putting glue on my shoes and trying to walk. It’s not something I’ll likely ever be rid of - but I am hoping to work at getting myself to roll down that runway faster.
So that’s it. Not a lot of jokes. Not a lot of wisdom. But I hope everyone’s 2024 turns out well. And “hope” is doing some heavy lifting there because 2024 is gonna be a real rollercoaster! Buckle up for more elections and wars. It would be great if you don’t need that seatbelt to save you, but probably best to still metaphorically pull on it a second to make sure it’s secure.
Happy New Year, folks.
Buy my book when it comes out.