Fallout, Depressed Goalies, Fake Video Game Guides, and More!
The one where A Charlie Brown Christmas pinball is mentioned
Hey, folks! Good to see you all. I hope your week is going well. If it’s not, remember this important quote from San Jose Sharks goalie, Devin Cooley:
I haven’t done the Depressing Quote Of The Day in a while (it seemed to cause people to get, uh, depressed and leave), but if I still did, this would be it!
I’ve loved Fallout since the very first game. I still remember being nervous when Bethesda got the rights to the series. Our wounds were still raw from the hurt that was a canceled version of the original Fallout 3 (also known as Van Buren). But Fallout 3 turned out great and Fallout New Vegas turned out even better. Fallout 4 and Fallout 76 are also good, although I deeply miss the ability to do a Charisma/Intelligence run and avoid as much combat as possible.
Anyway. The new Fallout show is fantastic. I love that it’s in the canon. I love that it’s less of an adaptation as much as an additional, new story in the series. They don’t over explain the world, the history, the technology. It just exists for these characters - and when it doesn’t, it’s organically shown. The show is confident in itself. Fifteen years ago, a studio or network might have tried to change everything to make it “make sense” for the average viewer. But this is a gory sci-fi dark comedy series; the average viewer can ride along with the idea of an item called RadAway instantly curing radiation sickness.
Meanwhile, Bethesda has released SPECIAL stats for some of the show’s major characters (and weirdly for one who’s only in a few scenes). If you don’t know, SPECIAL is an acronym for Strength, Perception, Endurance, Charisma, Intelligence, Agility, and Luck. In other words, it’s Fallout’s version of Dungeons & Dragons stats. Fallout’s stat system is itself inspired by a third, different system, but let’s just move along.
Now for some fake video games that never existed!
Vermis. Oh my Lord, Vermis. What is Vermis? It’s the game that comes before Vermis II. What’s Vermis II? It’s the sequel to a grim dungeon crawling game that was never made at all. And Hollow Point press has strategy guides for them both. In fact, the company just announced a limited edition hardcover copy of the strategy guides. But, again, strategy guides for games that are not real.
Both books in the series are creepy and beautiful and obtuse, feeling like you found a cursed book about a cursed game. It’s a hazy dream, with text and stats coming in and out of focus. Imagine if someone gave you a water-damaged guide for Bloodborne but that was all you had to go by. The more I read them, the more I wish I could play them. Oh, and that hardcover edition is limited to 3,000 copies, so move if you want some quality.
Finally, a few updates! While working on a few things that can’t be announced yet - which always sounds like a lie and just might be! - I’ve still been on my dumb shit writing articles about the electronic devil that Jack Thompson tried to warn us about: Video games. Obviously. They don’t let me do anything else.
For IGN, I wrote about my quest to become the world champion of A Charlie Brown Christmas Pinball.
For The Gamer, I talk about why we are absolutely not tipping for video games.
Did you know there was a non-controversy over a hot character in a video game that’s absolutely ridiculous? Why, yes, it is dumber than you think!
In this column, I describe my deep, unending love of games that appear in other games.
Another article on why Like A Dragon: Infinite Wealth’s comedy works so well.
And, of course, I praised Dragon’s Dogma 2 for not having Segway Scooters.
That’s all the updates I’ve got for you, folks. Buy Vermis.
I don't feel like enough people are talking about Vermis!